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What is Flirtology?

Flirtology is a science-based method of teaching flirting. Using scientific research, and proven flirting techniques, I can help anyone to become a Fearless Flirter.

I have helped thousands of others, and I can help you too. Are you ready to take a major fork in the road, which will positively affect the rest of your life? Welcome to Flirtology!

credit: JorisLouwes

How to Flirt in a Non-Trumpy Way

In the world of mutual respect and gender equality we are navigating new times. I am very excited about this; but I can understand how the etiquette between men and women, as to how to flirt, can be confusing. What is the boundary between flirty and inappropriate? The last thing you want to do is to appear Trumpy! It’s good to be sensitive to how others might feel, but let’s not completely retreat into our shells altogether, fearful of making a wrong move.  Don’t let that fear scare you from showing interest and flirting with real live humans.

Set scene:
Jean, late for yoga, is barreling down the street, flattening anything that dares to delay her.
Cue Carlos: about to move from the side entrance onto the street.

Carlos sees Jean is in a hurry and, not chancing his luck, stops himself from entering onto the street. He gives Jean a big smile, gestures with hand: ‘After you’

Jean, with grateful smile: ‘Thank you. I am obviously late for something’

Carlos extends hand: ‘Would you allow me to introduce myself?’

Jean agrees to the request.

‘My names is Carlos’

Jean, with a smile and handshake: ‘My name is Jean’

Carlos: ‘It’s so nice to meet you. If we should see each other again, please do say hello!’

Jean, with a smile: ‘Carlos; I surely will’

Jean exits stage left

Let me point out that re-enacting any flirting scene will always appear cheesy. In ‘real-life’ it wasn’t. Let me break down what he did, so you can be like Carlos.

  1. Big smile upon greeting
  2. Very polite
  3. Not pushy or aggressive; asked me permission to introduce himself
  4. Used touch appropriately by extending his hand for a handshake
  5. Understood that not everything had to happen in one instant. He laid down the groundwork for possibly meeting again

Nicely done, Carlos!




Where to Find Them- Part 1

One of the questions that I am asked most often is where to meet people. I have come to realise that the seemingly straightforward question is nuanced and has many layers.  As if  there is this magic venue where, on a certain date in your diary, wearing a specially selected outfit, you walk through its doors. And there you see a fine selection of fe/males, any of which could be a wonderful partner for you. Take your pick. Ah, if only you had heard about this place sooner!

Unfortunately, it’s more complicated than this. I have seen it happen with my clients:

Client: ‘I have been going to places that you and I have mapped out during our sessions, but I am not meeting anyone.’
Me: ‘Ok, so what are you doing while you’re there?’
Client: ‘Errr, standing in the corner with my friend.’

Although, being in the right place to meet like-minded people is a step in the right direction, you need to do a little more than huddling in the corner with your friend, whilst there. You need to be standing, not sitting, standing in the centre of the room, not a corner. You need to have your arms uncrossed, looking approachable and open. You need to notice who is around you, and if there is a chance to move into their proximity, you do that, and then ask them a question. As you can see, just being in the right place is not enough.
And, there are other layers. Perhaps you have some self-limiting beliefs, because you haven’t done the work about figuring yourself out first. This means that you could do all the flirting in the world, with some great people, but if deep down you think, ‘Eventually he’s going to leave anyways, what’s the point?’ or, ‘No one finds me attractive’. You might be in the right venue, but how will be behaving? Open body language, turned out towards the room? Smiles, glancing around the room, making eye contact, placing yourself close enough to someone to ask them a question? Probably not.

If you are interested in hearing more about how to find a partner, please join me 19th October for my Guardian Masterclass. The 100 person capacity event is almost sold out. If you use the code JEAN20 at checkout, you can get 20% off the ticket price.




How to Approach Without Fear

As part of my 6-session coaching package with clients, I take them out, on a wing-person night out, to my favourite bar in central London. In small groups, I teach them how to make the most of their opportunities while they are out and about. We look at things such as where to position yourself, what to look for in body language, and what to say in order to start a conversation. Last week, I held one of these evenings. They are always great fun and people are surprised at how friendly and receptive most people are. I say ‘most’ because, let’s face it, there are always the small minority that aren’t interested in chatting. And that is just fine.

So, I sent them off to have a look around, to see who was there, to check out peoples’ responses, to gauge who looks open and approachable and, most importantly, check out who is making eye contact with them! One of the women noticed a guy checking out the other woman – this is the beauty of having a wing-person; it’s easier to notice these signs for someone else, than it is for yourself. I suggested that the two of them go over to where the guy was standing in order to be in close enough proximity to ask him a question. A few minutes later, they returned.

‘We failed,’ they said.
‘Did you consciously and proactively make a decision to do something?’
‘Yes,’ they replied.
‘Did you do exactly what you wanted to do?’
‘Yes,’ they replied
‘So you walked over, stood near him, with open body language, and you didn’t see an opportunity to ask a question?’
‘No,’ they said.
‘Then you did everything that you could do on your part. You succeeded. You won! We do not link our success rate to the actions of others; we link it to our own actions…the only thing that we actually have control over’.

When we do what we want to do: we take action, we say what we are feeling, we set boundaries, we say ‘no thank you’ when we don’t feel it, then we always win. The measurement of success is when you, with conscious awareness, follow what you want to do. How other people react is not your responsibility, nor your concern. Feels better, right?

If you think you could use some extra help with this, please have a look at the handy, dandy infographic below.



Finding the Right Partner – The Easy Way!

There are several instances why people might need my help in finding a partner. Sometimes it’s because they are shy, or perhaps they can’t get over a ex and move forward, or maybe they don’t know how to read interest, or show someone they are interested. My last client had a different issue; he came to me for help after having had two, unsuccessful relationships, that left him heartbroken. You might be surprised to hear this, but he was the one doing the breaking up. Why was he so devestated then? He had invested 9-12 months in both cases, and still cared about both women. What seems to be the problem? In both cases, he had chosen to invest time, energy and emotion, into lovely women, but who were not right for him. And, as much as he enjoyed spending time with them both, eventually, the doom of his actions would set in; he would realise that this person wasn’t the one whom he could see being with ‘happily ever after’.

One of the greatest assets that I have discovered, which helps people in their partner search, are ‘The 5 Deal Breakers’. Unsurprisingly, he had no idea what his deal-breakers were. He was just dating people whom he had fun with and thought were pretty. After we made a personalised list of his deal-breakers he realised that, in both cases, the women were missing a few of his essential needs. In his case, it was wanting to live in the city and being intellectually curious.  For the long-term, they were not fits. If he had known these deal-breakers before, they would have stopped him from getting so involved, and affecting several peoples’ hearts.

When we start dating someone new, we are often carried away by things about the other person that are certainly nice, and perhaps exciting, but won’t sustain a relationship for the long haul. Before you start jumping into the rabbit’s den, again, take stock of what your 5 deal-breakers are. They will be your guide.