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What is Flirtology?

Flirtology is a science-based method of teaching flirting. Using scientific research, and proven flirting techniques, I can help anyone to become a Fearless Flirter.

I have helped thousands of others, and I can help you too. Are you ready to take a major fork in the road, which will positively affect the rest of your life? Welcome to Flirtology!

Credit: Nadine Gillespie

How to Turn a One-Off Meeting into a Romance

It’s always interesting to find out how people have learnt about the Fearless Flirting Tours. The answers are always one of the following: word of mouth, they saw me in the media, or Google. My how times have changed; when I created the tours, 12 years ago, no one would have thought of googling ‘flirting courses/lessons/tours’. In fact, no one would have thought of using the word ‘Google’ as a verb.

Last week, Anne* (not her real name) came on the Flirting tour. She told me that two friends had recommended that she attend. In fact, she tells me, those same two friends met on the tour. They are now happily in love. Why am I always the last to know about these things? People, I *live* for this stuff.

Besides a gentle scolding from Flirtology, urging you all to keep me in the loop on your love lives, today’s post is examining how these two went from spending a few hours together on an evening to happy couple. In other words, how to turn a one-off meeting into a romance.

There are a few components of why this worked, so let me break it down.

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The Surprising Reason you are Still Single

I have been wanting to write about this topic for awhile. So, thank you, Jennifer, for spurring me along. Just a warning, today’s post contains a few hard truths. Jennifer* (Not her real name) wrote to me confused about why she was still single. She told me she was ‘well acquainted in the art of flirting and indeed relationships in general’. She also said she gave her friends excellent advice on their relationships and told me she had no problems making herself appealing to men.  She thought she was doing everything right. Her confusion is understandable! Are you like Jennifer? Are you doing everything right, but you’re still single?

If we look a bit deeper, it appears that Jennifer has created the perfect story for herself as to why she can’t find a partner. Since she felt that she was doing everything right, she decided that she wasn’t meeting anyone because she has high standards and won’t settle for ‘second best’. This is the perfect excuse because it means that she doesn’t have to take the tough step of looking inwards, and making any changes to herself or behaviour. In the story that she has created, it’s simply a case of the men (yes, all millions of them) not being good enough for her. She just has high standards, that’s all.

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How to Get Someone to Like You

There is a big misconception on how to get people to like you. The fact is, trying to get people to like you is a long, laborious, and ineffectual task. It doesn’t work like that. Do you want to know what does work? Liking others! As Dale Carnegie says, ‘You can make more friends in two months by being interested in others than you can in two years by trying to get people to become interested in you.’

Being alluring is easy. All you have to do is make other people feel good. Everyone wants to be in the company of someone who make them feel special, unique, and understood. Being alluring is about making people feel good about themselves. In return, they will feel good about you.

People get this the wrong way around. Rather than showing others their  warmth, or giving them attention, they hold back, or don’t show interest. They have a fear of being rejected. Playing it cool is never optimal. Who would you rather spend time with? Someone who laughs, listens, and is generous in their attention; or someone who is cool and distant? There is no doubt that being direct in your interest is best. Why? Because directness cancels out ambiguity. Still not convinced? Read this article that I contributed to Science of Relationships to find out why, according to science, Direct is Best.

Concern about rejection controls much of our behaviour. We will deal with techniques to change how to deal with rejection in a later lesson. In the meantime, let’s concentrate on some techniques to show people you like them. You can incorporate the body language techniques that you learnt earlier in the course. The techniques of open body language are a great start to show people you like them. But another way to show people you like them is to think S.C.O.R.E.

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You Let Someone Down Gently and They Don’t Like it!

Last week’s post was about how to let people down gently. If you haven’t read this already, I urge you to do so. If everyone followed this advice, there would be a much healthier dating arena, one where people could be built up, rather than torn down.

However, this week’s post is about what to do when you have let them down gently, and they don’t take it well.

To recap, Sondra reluctantly went out with a guy ‘to be polite’. Quite quickly, she confirmed that this wasn’t someone with whom she wanted to spend more time. Sondra is a nice person, so she didn’t want to hurt his feelings and tell him that she wasn’t interested. She called upon some girlfriends for advice.

This is what she said, ‘‘I was asking some girlfriends about what to do. One advised to be aloof, another said not to respond again, another said to tell him that I met up with my ex during the week, and I think it’s back on with him, so it wouldn’t be appropriate to meet.’

These solutions might seem like the easiest way for Sondra’s friends to get out of situations that they don’t want to deal with, but none of these suggestions are about treating someone with kindness and respect.  I shared with Sondra the best way to do it, and she followed my advice. (I love it when that happens!). However, the guy didn’t take it well…

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