The science of flirting. Used to help people achieve better outcomes in a minefield of romantically-based social interactions. Focusing on the signs of attraction, flirting skills and self-image, Flirtology is used to help people establish new and effective flirting behaviours.
You will probably recognize the scene: you went out with a really cool guy that you actually fancied. (How long has it been since that’s happened?!)
You didn’t exactly secure a second date whilst on the first one, but that is fine. You should wait a few days before sending a follow up email. Chances are, if he really likes you, he will contact you first.
Credit: Online 36
However, we can’t always rely on that rule. Until a male is well and truly ‘reeled in’ he can be pretty ambivalent. After all, unlike you, who is planning your future together (slow down honey, it was only one date!), he is carrying on living his life. And so should you! Sure, it’s fine to send a breezy email a few days later, but if there is even a hint of desperation, the game is over. You’ve blown it.
Here is an email from one of my clients (with her permission) on what not to do. Thankfully, she sent it to me first to help edit and, consequently, ended up getting a second date. After I showed her my version, she said, “Aha! No wonder I never get any second dates when I send emails!”
Read the un-edited version first followed by my changes explained:
Lately people have been telling me that they are putting themselves out there, they are going out and trying to meet people, but they are not having any luck.
Once we figure out if they have been going to the right places, those places where the person who matches their ‘list of 5′ might be hanging out (List of 5 is a list of carefully selected ‘deal-breakers’, which keep you on track for meeting the right person) I ask them what they do once they are there. You might not be surprised to hear the reply of ‘not much’. It’s more than simply being somewhere, you must be proactive and make things happen whilst there! Therefore, I have made a list of actions you must take when you are out.
Credit: Renee Cayton
What to do at an event:
- No one wants to waste an evening. Make sure you are somewhere where people will most likely meet your list of 5.
- Start up as many conversations as possible. “Have you been here before?” “How did you hear about this event?”
- Give yourself a task at the beginning of the evening if you need a bit of motivation. “I will speak with 5 people tonight.”
- Be chatty and friendly. Do *not* have any expectations. Expectations bring pressure. We do not need pressure.
Remember, once you are in the right place, it’s a numbers game from there; a numbers game without expectations.
What is Flirting? This is a question that I asked 250 single people whilst researching my book, ‘The Flirt Interpreter’.
Flirting is about starting conversations, about meeting people, about brightening up someone’s day. We are social beings. We thrive on interaction — sometimes it’s an exchange of opinions; sometimes of ideas; sometimes of smiles.
However you define flirting, effective techniques have a number of elements in common:
- an air of the unknown
- communication that both people understand
- communication that makes both participants feel special, understood, unique
- both people acting as a mirror for the other, reflecting the image of one’s best self.
The following scenario might sound familiar: You go out with a guy. You had a fun time. You want to see him again. You start thinking about him all the time. You tell your friends how much you in common. You even start imagining what your life would be together. Maybe you could even fall in love with him…
STOP IT! Stop doing that! Let’s put things in perspective.
Credit: Torbak Hopper
This guy, the one who you are imagining spending the rest of your life with, is a complete stranger. Well, a complete stranger minus 2 hours, which was the amount of time you spent together on the date. You don’t even know him. How can he fill up most of your thought space?
If we agree that you barely know this guy, yet you are using most of your thought space thinking about him, does it most likely mean that you are imagining/creating most of the things about him?