The science of flirting. Used to help people achieve better outcomes in a minefield of romantically-based social interactions. Focusing on the signs of attraction, flirting skills and self-image, Flirtology is used to help people establish new and effective flirting behaviours.
It seems counter intuitive to put yourself in a position when both your mind and body are telling you not to do something. I was reminded of this recently when I took a course in the flying trapeze. At many stages throughout the exercise, I felt I was going against sanity: as I climbed the tall, narrow ladder to the top, as I jumped off the platform to swing high into the sky, as I hooked my legs around the swinging bar and let my hands go, and as I let go of my grip on the bar to do a back circle dismount, into the net. My mind and body kept screaming, ‘This is wrong! This is scary! Are you crazy?’ You don’t have to be 32 ft in the air to have this reaction, it often happens at the mere thought of starting a conversation with someone, even with both feet, firmly planted.
Those protective mechanisms were put in place for a good reason. But, unlike our hunter/gatherer ancestors who needed these signals to protect them from real danger, like a wild animal who was about to eat them, we don’t have these same concerns in our modern, western lives. Yes, that’s right, we’ve over-evolved. We are stuck with this ‘danger alert’ mechanism that we don’t need. So how do we overcome this in order to take that first step out of our comfort zones?
Many clients come to me because they don’t know how to flirt. They are not alone; for many people, flirting is not something that comes naturally. Although you have probably been led to believe that everyone is good at it except you, trust the flirting expert when I say, you are not alone! The good news is that flirting can be learned. With practice, and following advice from a Flirtologist, you won’t be cast into the ‘friend zone’ anymore.
Credit: Nadine Gillespie
Let’s start your flirting frenzy with ‘The 5 Step Flirt’ method.
The next time you want to start off on the right flirting foot, simply do the following five steps.
1. Eye contact: Look into his/her eyes using full on eye contact. This is no time to be subtle!
2. Smile: Give a huge smile, showing teeth.
3. Touch: Break the touch barrier immediately by giving him/her a greeting kiss on both cheeks
4. Greet: Still making full eye contact, say, ‘It’s so nice to meet you’ (and mean it!)
5. Compliment: Give a compliment, ‘Joanne never told me you’d be this cute’ or ‘What an incredibly stylish necklace/tie!’
The difference between being thought of as a friend, or a flirt, is whether that person could ever imagine bedding you. Attraction can be created. If you want to learn more about how to do this, come to any of my upcoming events. Or if you would like specific advice, pertaining to your situation, contact me for my private coaching packages.
Last week we spoke about what to do on a date, after all, it’s always best to start with the positives, right? Today we will go over what not to do on a date. Starting with a point I repeat over and over.
1. Don’t have high expectations- You are not meeting the man/woman of your dreams here; you are meeting a human being, for a nice chat; stay realistic. The more expectations you have, the more disappointed you will be.
2. Don’t worry about what the other person will think of you – You will never, in a million years, know what is going on in someone else’s head. So, might as well stop trying to figure it out. Let him/her have their own thoughts, without you interfering, thanks very much!
Credit: Lord Ash
3. Realise that your initial impression about this person might not be right – It takes more than two minutes, or even two hours, to really know a person. Withhold judgement if they don’t seem to fit into your perfect little boxes within the first 10 minutes of meeting them.
Since there aren’t any ‘Dating 101’ courses, I thought I would give you a crash course, in 6 easy steps.
Dress to impress- You are not at a job interview, nor are you on your sofa watching Downton Abbey. You are on a date, with someone whom you want to impress. Think about what you wear very carefully. It should be comfortable, but flattering. If done correctly, your outfit will help the attraction process along quite nicely. Remember, if this person isn’t thinking about what it would be like to kiss you by the end of the date, you will be quickly relegated to the doomed ‘friend’ category.
Ask interesting questions- “What do you do?’. ‘Where are you from?’. SNORE. Ask boring questions, get boring answers. You can easily steer the conversation on to more interesting topics and get the person to share more about him/herself, by asking more individualised questions. Studies have shown that the more someone reveals things about themselves, the more they will like that person.