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What is Flirtology?

Flirtology is a science-based method of teaching flirting. Using scientific research, and proven flirting techniques, I can help anyone to become a Fearless Flirter.

I have helped thousands of others, and I can help you too. Are you ready to take a major fork in the road, which will positively affect the rest of your life? Welcome to Flirtology!

group of people out and about


I don’t get annoyed with people like I used to. Over the years, as I became better at being me by using tools such as yoga, meditation and investing in self-development work, I find I am a much calmer person. However, there are two instances which always rile my temper; when I am short of time and short of space. Living in a big city like London, means we are often short of both.

Fortunately, I know what my triggers are. If I am running late to an event, smashed in a tube car, with someone’s elbow up my nose, I know that I probably won’t have the most charitable attitude towards those around me. How can I prevent this? Easy. I either leave 15 minutes earlier than needed (let’s get real, this rarely happens) or I avoid the tube altogether and take a city bike to my destination.

Besides being aware of what sets me off and making changes about what I can do to prevent being in these situations, there is another trick that I use; I often have short chats with people in my day-to-day life. Let me explain.

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friend zone

How to Overcome Fear

You probably haven’t noticed, but a tiny country in a far-flung place has just had an election. For some the results were joyous (always the diplomat, my husband gently reminds me of this fact);. for others, the results were disastrous. So today’s post addresses the topic of  fear.

Fear works best when tied to specifics; it brings more power to the emotion. For example, ‘If I speak to that girl over there, she is going to laugh at me and then talk about me to her friends’. Does this bare the same level of fear as a much broader statement; ‘talking to people is scary?’ Does the second, more general statement, hit you straight in the gut? Probably not. The first rule of evading fear is to not let yourself get sucked into specifics. Pull back, view things from a larger perspective and it takes out much of the power; resist the urge to go down the rabbit hole.

Fear has another grip on us; it’s usually linked to a tense that isn’t real; the future. This means that we can let our brains run wild with speculation. We can indulge ourselves to the utmost degree, thinking about worse case scenarios that we are certain are bound to happen. We must not do that.  Until the time that you have actually spoken to that person and he/she laughed in your face, let’s keep it real. Let’s continually draw ourselves back to the only real place in space and time: the present.

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How to ask a Question that Might Begin a Conversation

Is the title, ‘How to ask a Question that Might Begin a Conversation’ a bit fussy? Ok, perhaps a little. I used to claim that I could help you ‘begin a conversation’ with someone. Now I have realised that this is an impossible claim. The only thing that you have control over is whether or not you ask a question. You have no control over whether that person wants to have a conversation. So, that is what I will help you with, knowing how to ask that question.

The first aspect of knowing what is ask, is realising that this is a skill. Because it’s a skill, it means that the more you practice, the easier it will become. If, currently, this idea makes you feel awkward, chances are you rarely make yourself do it, thus fulfilling your idea that it’s hard.

Most people say that once they are in the conversation they are ok, but the ‘starting it’ bit is difficult. So how do you ask a conversation in way that won’t make you look/feel foolish? The key is to ask a question in the context of where you both are.

If you are in the supermarket, you could say, ‘Do you know anything about this brand?’

If you are at the bus stop, you could say, ‘Has the 31 bus come by recently?’

If you are at the gym, you could say, ‘Could you please show me how to use this machine?’

If you are at the bookshop, you could say, ‘Are you familiar with this author?’

If you are at the gallery, you could say, ‘What do you think of this painting?’

Before you make any judgements about the person in front of you, her or his attractiveness, or anything that s/he might be thinking, just ask them one question. Then, let them respond however they want. Their response has everything to do with who they are (their mood at that moment, personality, and if they are in a hurry or not) and not much to do with you. Asking a stranger a question is definitely not the time to test out if people think you’re fabulous. You have already done the work, away from these scenarios, and know you are fabulous. You don’t leave it in the hands of strangers to deem you worthy!

So, go on. Start trying it out. What is the worse that could happen?

credit: JorisLouwes

How to Flirt in a Non-Trumpy Way

In the world of mutual respect and gender equality we are navigating new times. I am very excited about this; but I can understand how the etiquette between men and women, as to how to flirt, can be confusing. What is the boundary between flirty and inappropriate? The last thing you want to do is to appear Trumpy! It’s good to be sensitive to how others might feel, but let’s not completely retreat into our shells altogether, fearful of making a wrong move.  Don’t let that fear scare you from showing interest and flirting with real live humans.

Set scene:
Jean, late for yoga, is barreling down the street, flattening anything that dares to delay her.
Cue Carlos: about to move from the side entrance onto the street.

Carlos sees Jean is in a hurry and, not chancing his luck, stops himself from entering onto the street. He gives Jean a big smile, gestures with hand: ‘After you’

Jean, with grateful smile: ‘Thank you. I am obviously late for something’

Carlos extends hand: ‘Would you allow me to introduce myself?’

Jean agrees to the request.

‘My names is Carlos’

Jean, with a smile and handshake: ‘My name is Jean’

Carlos: ‘It’s so nice to meet you. If we should see each other again, please do say hello!’

Jean, with a smile: ‘Carlos; I surely will’

Jean exits stage left

Let me point out that re-enacting any flirting scene will always appear cheesy. In ‘real-life’ it wasn’t. Let me break down what he did, so you can be like Carlos.

  1. Big smile upon greeting
  2. Very polite
  3. Not pushy or aggressive; asked me permission to introduce himself
  4. Used touch appropriately by extending his hand for a handshake
  5. Understood that not everything had to happen in one instant. He laid down the groundwork for possibly meeting again

Nicely done, Carlos!