Sondra went on a date. Even before the date, she told me that she didn’t really want to go, but that she had agreed ‘out of politeness’. She could also tell during the date that, for many reasons, this wasn’t someone with whom she wanted to spend more time. It was a weeknight; she was tired and wanted to go home, but her date kept urging her to stay out later. Again, she wanted to be polite so, against her will, she stayed out longer. He then asked her out again and, not wanting to be rude, she agreed. He texted her the next day to check when she was free. Not actually wanting to see him again, she said she was busy. This is a true story, by the way. In fact, it might have happened to you. When I spell it out like this, it might seem like she is leading him on. The irony is that in her mind, she did all of these things, to avoid hurting his feelings; she had the misguided notion that this was the nicest way to spare him any feelings of rejection. So, do you think this worked?
In today’s post, you will learn how to let someone down gently. This is such an important subject that I can’t believe that I have never addressed it before. So, thanks to Sondra (not her real name) for bringing it to my attention. By implementing the actions in today’s post, you can help create a healthy dating arena where people can be happy and confident, even when things don’t work out with individuals. I would ask you to please pass this on to any single friends, in order to create a healthy dating atmosphere, where people can be their best selves.
Chances are, you will not form a major relationship, with most people you meet (especially if you meet them randomly, like online dating or dating apps.) This is just a logical part of the dating process and one that we often ignore. If you keep this in mind, it means that you don’t have to take things personally when most of your dates, for whatever reasons, don’t turn into magical fairy tales.
This is why it’s imperative that there is a good way to let people know that you don’t think it’s a match, if they haven’t yet figured out that it’s not going to be a love connection. Stalling, hiding, or trying to sugar coat things does not work. So, then how do you do it?