The science of flirting. Used to help people achieve better outcomes in a minefield of romantically-based social interactions. Focusing on the signs of attraction, flirting skills and self-image, Flirtology is used to help people establish new and effective flirting behaviours.
I know what you might be thinking, ‘Ugh, why are we spending so much time on rejection? It’s such a downer!’. Well, it doesn’t have to be. As I mentioned last week, there are a few alternate perspectives on rejection, that are much better than your current one. It doesn’t mean that they are true and your current one isn’t, just as your current one isn’t true either. It’s just that I think you will find my offerings serve you much better. Alternative 1 is about not letting others (especially strangers) hold the key to your self-worth.
If you are using flirting as a way to find out what others’ think of you, you are in for a world of hurt. It’s like approaching people, full of holes, and expecting them to fill you. No wonder it hurts when they are not willing to do that for you. In this scenario, you are always dependent on others to do something for you, to make you happy. What about if you filled those holes yourself, through awareness, meditation, self-development, or whatever else you needed? You could then approach people full, not needing, or taking, anything from them. They certainly couldn’t reject you. How can you reject someone who isn’t asking anything from you?
Don’t give the task of ‘making you feel good’ to other people. Instead, be so full, that your cup spilleth over and you only give. Whether it’s your time, attention, compliments, or your ear. Quite simply, your current view of rejection has to do with being afraid of what others’ think of you. Take that out of the equation, and there is nothing to ‘reject’.
Next week, we will be taking a logical, more maths based approach to rejection. I hope one of these alternate views will resonate with you.
What stops you from walking up to anyone you’d like and having a conversation with him/her? Most likely, it’s the fear of rejection. Or, as I like to call it, a made up story, to a made-up outcome, that your mind creates for you, resulting in you never following through with your intentions.
How many opportunities have been lost because of the following pattern. A. You see someone you want to speak with B. Your mind creates reasons not to do it, including how this stranger will react and what they will think of you. C. You do nothing…again. *sigh*
Rejection is not your problem. Your current view of rejection is the problem. Most likely, you view it as hurtful, scary, and unpleasant. What if I told you that this is only one view? It’s not the ‘truth’, it’s just one way of looking at it.
The Daily Mail has revealed that the world’s most effective chat up line is, ‘Have you tried this apple?’. (Below, you can read articles from The Daily Mail and The Telegraph about their flirt coach experiences with Flirtology) Meanwhile, I am about to reveal the world’s most effective formula for finding the perfect partner.
(Commonality+proximity) + Your Choice + Multiple Interactions = Success
Last week I wrote in detail about the importance of being around people with shared commonality and proximity. You might want to review that here. But let me break this formula down for you.
- Commonality and Proximity – Research has shown that our levels of compatibility are highest with people whom we share commonalities. Bonus, you are probably already in places where you have things in common with people. Just be more proactive about it.
- Your choice – Let’s face it, you are happy to look at countless flats before moving in. And, you don’t curl into a ball, gently sobbing, for every job that you don’t get. What is it about this area of our lives that make us lose all perspective? Science has shown that when we do the choosing, we are happier with the results. Whilst this holds true in most parts of our lives, we need to make sure it happens in the love part too! Why don’t you come on the next flirting tour to find out how to take advantage of all of these opportunities happening around you in your daily life?
- Multiple interactions- It’s a numbers game. Not a random, numbers game, but a carefully considered, highly efficient, numbers game. It’s simple. Have numerous ‘chats’, in places where you share commonality and proximity with people, and you will be guaranteed to find someone you connect with.
Daily Mail article on Flirt Coaching experience with Flirtology
Telegraph article on Flirt Coaching experience with Flirtology
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Have I ever told you how I met my husband? We lived in the same neighborhood and kept running into each other. I was teaching pilates at our local health club and he attended my class, every Thursday night, back left-hand corner. We also both liked swimming, so we’d run into each other at the gym’s swimming pool on the weekends. And we’d bump into each other at the supermarket, our mutually favorite coffee shop, and even the high street. This continued to happen, so one day we decided to meet at our favorite coffee shop by choice, rather than chance. From that point we got to know each other, and liked what we saw. The rest, my friends, is history. What does this mean for you? It means that using the variables of commonality and proximity are very powerful ways to meet a like-minded partner.